Well, we went to the pumpkin patch today. Amara is 9 months old now, and I have been looking forward to our annual trek to the pumpkin patch for a year now. Last year I was so excited about having a child of our own to take this year.
So, we went and Amara Mae experienced pumpkins for the first time. She saw chickens and geese and goats and cows. And there were so many people there! Everyone has been cooped up at home this cold blustery October but today was a beautiful sunshiny day, albeit gusty. So the Farm was more crowded than I had ever seen it.
And next year, we will do a hayride and pony ride, probably even picking apples. That is the wonderful thing about this parenting business - you get to have fun in the present and look forward to the adventures that will be waiting in the future. But as for today, it was everything I imagined it would be.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
So, I have not written in quite a while! Not sure what to blame this on, let's just say I've been busy.
Amara is eight months old today. Some new advancements are that she says mama and dada now (and not necessarily in that order). She waves goodbye. She does the army crawl and stands/walks with help. She's doing the whole finger food thing now, which terrifies me to pieces! She goes from floor to sitting on her own. She does the butt scoot while sitting. And she is becoming increasingly more amused by the pets every single day, which was her entire motivation for figuring out the army crawl. My days of sitting on the couch are slowly whittling away as my baby is becoming Mobile Baby.
Today we went to church. I have entered a new chapter of my life and we go to church now. We are not "churchy" by any means. I go because I believe in God and my spirit needs it, needs to be cozied up right next to him, and in his presence once in a while. It just FEELS good, and I'd like my daughter to be brought up very familiar with this. We went a couple weeks ago and I held Amara the entire service, not quite willing to let her go. But for some reason, today was a different story and I dropped her off at the nursery before entering the sanctuary.
I wanted to cry. I just kept thinking "what if she thinks I abandon her in that madhouse of teetering, bottle-toting fussy babies? She doesn't belong in there, she is a happy baby, a good baby who deserves attention" and "what if she catches some sickness, some virus" or "what if they give her finger foods and she chokes"....what if, what if?! The anxiety for me to leave her in that environment, which has never been done by the way, was unreal! I kept glancing at the "Come Get Your Baby" screen, waiting for my number to start flashing. 148. What if she is scarred for life from me leaving her in there? Part of me was justifying everything....it is probably good for her to be in that environment once in a while, probably healthy for her little immune system to be exposed to a little bit of germs, good for her ego to not be the center of attention for once.....and on and on.
Did we survive without major catastrophe? Well, yes. But I was the first to pick my baby up, I swooped in and grabbed her up like a mother hawk. She was playing, on her tummy, reaching for a toy that was rolling away. She was fine. I had thought about going to check on her in the middle of the service but would that be phobic?! Overprotective? Ridiculous?
It actually ended up a good thing because they passed around communion in church and there's no way I would have been able to juggle all that and a baby kid too. She is getting to the point where she has to have playthings, she has to be able to be loud and vocal and squeal at all the cool, wondrous, madly impossible things that blow her mind. And, while she did wonderfully in church a couple weeks ago, I think it actually is healthy for both of us to be in those settings without each other. Just....doesn't feel healthy. I thought I would be less distracted without her there, but I think I was more distracted!
So, another week of errands, chores, dinners to cook, exercises to do, playdates to be had. At the end of this week, her hair will be a little thicker, a little longer. Her brain will have developed just a little more, with all the things she can learn in a weeks' time. She will be one week older. These weeks fly by, they morph into months and now we are 3/4 through one whole year. We are watching her sprout before our very eyes, a process I will watch until the day I die. It is so beautiful. There is nowhere I would rather be.
Amara is eight months old today. Some new advancements are that she says mama and dada now (and not necessarily in that order). She waves goodbye. She does the army crawl and stands/walks with help. She's doing the whole finger food thing now, which terrifies me to pieces! She goes from floor to sitting on her own. She does the butt scoot while sitting. And she is becoming increasingly more amused by the pets every single day, which was her entire motivation for figuring out the army crawl. My days of sitting on the couch are slowly whittling away as my baby is becoming Mobile Baby.
Today we went to church. I have entered a new chapter of my life and we go to church now. We are not "churchy" by any means. I go because I believe in God and my spirit needs it, needs to be cozied up right next to him, and in his presence once in a while. It just FEELS good, and I'd like my daughter to be brought up very familiar with this. We went a couple weeks ago and I held Amara the entire service, not quite willing to let her go. But for some reason, today was a different story and I dropped her off at the nursery before entering the sanctuary.
I wanted to cry. I just kept thinking "what if she thinks I abandon her in that madhouse of teetering, bottle-toting fussy babies? She doesn't belong in there, she is a happy baby, a good baby who deserves attention" and "what if she catches some sickness, some virus" or "what if they give her finger foods and she chokes"....what if, what if?! The anxiety for me to leave her in that environment, which has never been done by the way, was unreal! I kept glancing at the "Come Get Your Baby" screen, waiting for my number to start flashing. 148. What if she is scarred for life from me leaving her in there? Part of me was justifying everything....it is probably good for her to be in that environment once in a while, probably healthy for her little immune system to be exposed to a little bit of germs, good for her ego to not be the center of attention for once.....and on and on.
Did we survive without major catastrophe? Well, yes. But I was the first to pick my baby up, I swooped in and grabbed her up like a mother hawk. She was playing, on her tummy, reaching for a toy that was rolling away. She was fine. I had thought about going to check on her in the middle of the service but would that be phobic?! Overprotective? Ridiculous?
It actually ended up a good thing because they passed around communion in church and there's no way I would have been able to juggle all that and a baby kid too. She is getting to the point where she has to have playthings, she has to be able to be loud and vocal and squeal at all the cool, wondrous, madly impossible things that blow her mind. And, while she did wonderfully in church a couple weeks ago, I think it actually is healthy for both of us to be in those settings without each other. Just....doesn't feel healthy. I thought I would be less distracted without her there, but I think I was more distracted!
So, another week of errands, chores, dinners to cook, exercises to do, playdates to be had. At the end of this week, her hair will be a little thicker, a little longer. Her brain will have developed just a little more, with all the things she can learn in a weeks' time. She will be one week older. These weeks fly by, they morph into months and now we are 3/4 through one whole year. We are watching her sprout before our very eyes, a process I will watch until the day I die. It is so beautiful. There is nowhere I would rather be.
Monday, July 20, 2009
First Post-Baby Trip to Gym
Ok, so I went to the gym tonight for the first time in about 2 years, seriously. It's been before my wedding day. I have excuses for not going....my wedding day seemed to set off a chain of unfortunate events - death after death after death in the family followed by a rocky marriage (the deaths rocked our worlds), followed by pregnancy and now I am trying to balance life with being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM).
Everybody imagines that being a SAHM must be the easiest job in the whole world and "oh, must be nice". Ok, I wouldn't trade it for anything but I have my own set of challenges to deal with in this occupation change. There's the loneliness of sitting at home with a 6 month old day after day. Why don't I get out more often, you ask? Because the simple act of leaving the house requires money - another thing I am dealing with. The gaping hole that is left when you suddenly no longer make tens of thousands of dollars, and the withdrawals from retail therapy that you go through. Not that I am even interested in clothes shopping right now because I am a whale (another occupational hazard - cookies and ice cream are my friends when I am oh so lonely). This living paycheck to paycheck business really stresses me out, we have NO spare change after all the bills are paid. NONE, seriously.
But the biggest challenge is loss of self-care. I forget it most days. I forget to love myself, to do little things for myself. If I could just squeeze it in somewhere between laundry, grocery shopping, making dinner, doing the dishes not to mention diaper changes, feedings, naptimes and playing with the little turkey. I noticed last week that all I do is take care of everyone else and I am getting used up!! I must replenish or there will be nothing left of myself to give. I don't hardly wash my face or put on makeup anymore and I rush through a shower as if the water was 45 degrees Fahrenheit.
I told Andy flat out yesterday. It wasn't even a question, it wasn't a need it was a must. I said "I am going to go work out tomorrow night when you get home". And that was it. I need to do something to care for me, I need to leave the house sometimes without Andy and Amara and just contribute to self. I was going to wait until Amara was asleep as a general rule of working out, but I didn't even do that this evening!
And oh, it was so good. I only worked out 45 minutes. I will have to work up to my 90 minute sessions I used to do back in the day, pre-marriage. My measly 5 minutes on the stair climber all but killed me. I lifted weights and I loved every second of it! And I deserved it, OH I deserved it. I love lifting weights, it is so challenging and not only does it make the body stronger but it makes the mind stronger as well. I realized just how much muscle I don't have compared to what I used to be able to do. I am a different person now - pregnancy changes a body permanently but I never imagined I would be so weak! I am going to start doing this at least a few evenings a week, this is what I am going to do for myself. And I'm not just doing it for myself, I'm doing it for my family too. I will be healthier and happier and more full of love to give. I will be balanced, finally!
Everybody imagines that being a SAHM must be the easiest job in the whole world and "oh, must be nice". Ok, I wouldn't trade it for anything but I have my own set of challenges to deal with in this occupation change. There's the loneliness of sitting at home with a 6 month old day after day. Why don't I get out more often, you ask? Because the simple act of leaving the house requires money - another thing I am dealing with. The gaping hole that is left when you suddenly no longer make tens of thousands of dollars, and the withdrawals from retail therapy that you go through. Not that I am even interested in clothes shopping right now because I am a whale (another occupational hazard - cookies and ice cream are my friends when I am oh so lonely). This living paycheck to paycheck business really stresses me out, we have NO spare change after all the bills are paid. NONE, seriously.
But the biggest challenge is loss of self-care. I forget it most days. I forget to love myself, to do little things for myself. If I could just squeeze it in somewhere between laundry, grocery shopping, making dinner, doing the dishes not to mention diaper changes, feedings, naptimes and playing with the little turkey. I noticed last week that all I do is take care of everyone else and I am getting used up!! I must replenish or there will be nothing left of myself to give. I don't hardly wash my face or put on makeup anymore and I rush through a shower as if the water was 45 degrees Fahrenheit.
I told Andy flat out yesterday. It wasn't even a question, it wasn't a need it was a must. I said "I am going to go work out tomorrow night when you get home". And that was it. I need to do something to care for me, I need to leave the house sometimes without Andy and Amara and just contribute to self. I was going to wait until Amara was asleep as a general rule of working out, but I didn't even do that this evening!
And oh, it was so good. I only worked out 45 minutes. I will have to work up to my 90 minute sessions I used to do back in the day, pre-marriage. My measly 5 minutes on the stair climber all but killed me. I lifted weights and I loved every second of it! And I deserved it, OH I deserved it. I love lifting weights, it is so challenging and not only does it make the body stronger but it makes the mind stronger as well. I realized just how much muscle I don't have compared to what I used to be able to do. I am a different person now - pregnancy changes a body permanently but I never imagined I would be so weak! I am going to start doing this at least a few evenings a week, this is what I am going to do for myself. And I'm not just doing it for myself, I'm doing it for my family too. I will be healthier and happier and more full of love to give. I will be balanced, finally!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Ok, because it wouldn't be fair for life to be 100% bliss, we have to have some bad to balance out the good. Hard times make us appreciate the good times that much more.
In light of this, Andy has pretty much been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. In April, he had what is called Optic Neuritis. He was having problems seeing out of one eye. The doctors kept making quick referrals, so we knew something was up, and we got escalated to a neurologist rather quickly since this Optic Neuritis can be indicative of Multiple Sclerosis. So, Andy sat through a two hour MRI, and they diagnosed him with "Clinically Isolated Syndrome". He had a lesion on his brain, this Optic Neuritis, and had had another separate episode also, at some point. A nurse came to our house and showed Andy how to administer his medicine which he takes once a week - in the form of a shot. This is supposed to "delay", NOT prevent, any episodes and full blown Multiple Sclerosis. He has not technically been diagnosed with MS since a diagnosis is kind of a complicated thing which requires so many episodes in a certain amount of time and one of his episodes happened without knowledge of time frame.
Since then, Andy has been dealing with numbness and tingling in the torso, fingers, legs, arms, with it moving to different spots randomly. The side effects of his medicine (which may or may not work) include flu-like symptoms like shakes, shivering, sweats, temperature and a general fatigue. He takes the shot on Friday evening so he can sleep through most of the symptoms and take it easy all day Saturday. This past week he has been dealing with dizzy spells and has been refraining from driving, I had to drive him to work a couple of days.
So, there it is - the bad and ugly to our good. Everyone has ugly, and I am here to share it all, not just the happy "oh-everything-is-so-perfect" moments. Because, unfortunately, life is not perfect. But we do find joy in our little Amara Mae. When we found out about Andy's condition, he mentioned how he was really glad we had her when we did because she is such a stress reliever, and he could use that right now. She gives a little added meaning to life. She makes us laugh and smile every day.
In light of this, Andy has pretty much been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. In April, he had what is called Optic Neuritis. He was having problems seeing out of one eye. The doctors kept making quick referrals, so we knew something was up, and we got escalated to a neurologist rather quickly since this Optic Neuritis can be indicative of Multiple Sclerosis. So, Andy sat through a two hour MRI, and they diagnosed him with "Clinically Isolated Syndrome". He had a lesion on his brain, this Optic Neuritis, and had had another separate episode also, at some point. A nurse came to our house and showed Andy how to administer his medicine which he takes once a week - in the form of a shot. This is supposed to "delay", NOT prevent, any episodes and full blown Multiple Sclerosis. He has not technically been diagnosed with MS since a diagnosis is kind of a complicated thing which requires so many episodes in a certain amount of time and one of his episodes happened without knowledge of time frame.
Since then, Andy has been dealing with numbness and tingling in the torso, fingers, legs, arms, with it moving to different spots randomly. The side effects of his medicine (which may or may not work) include flu-like symptoms like shakes, shivering, sweats, temperature and a general fatigue. He takes the shot on Friday evening so he can sleep through most of the symptoms and take it easy all day Saturday. This past week he has been dealing with dizzy spells and has been refraining from driving, I had to drive him to work a couple of days.
So, there it is - the bad and ugly to our good. Everyone has ugly, and I am here to share it all, not just the happy "oh-everything-is-so-perfect" moments. Because, unfortunately, life is not perfect. But we do find joy in our little Amara Mae. When we found out about Andy's condition, he mentioned how he was really glad we had her when we did because she is such a stress reliever, and he could use that right now. She gives a little added meaning to life. She makes us laugh and smile every day.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Where's the Pause Button?
These baby days are going by so fast. Each new day brings new adventures. Amara is rapidly learning and moving right along to the next thing once one thing is mastered. She actually learned to clap a few weeks ago, did it a few times and hasn't done it again since. That's because now, she is learning to flip and flop all around on the floor, sit up by herself like a big girl, the laws of gravity (by dropping things from the high chair then inspecting what happened), and the laws of cause and effect (by banging her mesh feeder, repeatedly, and quite loudly, on her high chair).
It is all so exciting to watch but part of me is quite sad. I am at the top of the hill on this roller coaster, right before the first big drop. And once we drop, the twists and turns will provide moments of thrill and then it will be over. Just like that. The baby days will come to a rapid stop. Babies don't stay babies very long. Technically, I think they are babies until 2 maybe....? Then they're considered toddlers. But really, in my mind, between 12 and 15 months, the babyness starts to fade. And I'm halfway through all that already!
I have listened intently when people tell me, in warning tones "enjoy it because it doesn't last long." And I have! But I just want to pause this moment. I want to get a Saturday, when Papa Bear is home and push pause on the remote control of life. Just until I'm ready, maybe a few days. Or a few weeks.
Of course, I look forward to the future. I tell Andy that "next year at this time, I'll be chasing little Amara around." And today, we went out to eat for Andy's first Father's Day. There was a little girl at the table next to us, maybe 3 years old. She was holding out her french fry to her dad, telling him about something on it. I said "Amara is going to be so cute when she's that age. She'll be holding out her french fry to you and telling you all about it." And I pictured what she would look like, what she would sound like, the facial expressions and the words she would use (words way beyond her 3 year old level of course). But for right now, I see Amara blossoming every day. She is starting to actually understand what I say when I talk to her. I am having so much fun and I just want to be stuck here for a little while, that's all.
And that is why we should all seize the day. Because you can never get back what you missed. Yes, carpe diem.
It is all so exciting to watch but part of me is quite sad. I am at the top of the hill on this roller coaster, right before the first big drop. And once we drop, the twists and turns will provide moments of thrill and then it will be over. Just like that. The baby days will come to a rapid stop. Babies don't stay babies very long. Technically, I think they are babies until 2 maybe....? Then they're considered toddlers. But really, in my mind, between 12 and 15 months, the babyness starts to fade. And I'm halfway through all that already!
I have listened intently when people tell me, in warning tones "enjoy it because it doesn't last long." And I have! But I just want to pause this moment. I want to get a Saturday, when Papa Bear is home and push pause on the remote control of life. Just until I'm ready, maybe a few days. Or a few weeks.
Of course, I look forward to the future. I tell Andy that "next year at this time, I'll be chasing little Amara around." And today, we went out to eat for Andy's first Father's Day. There was a little girl at the table next to us, maybe 3 years old. She was holding out her french fry to her dad, telling him about something on it. I said "Amara is going to be so cute when she's that age. She'll be holding out her french fry to you and telling you all about it." And I pictured what she would look like, what she would sound like, the facial expressions and the words she would use (words way beyond her 3 year old level of course). But for right now, I see Amara blossoming every day. She is starting to actually understand what I say when I talk to her. I am having so much fun and I just want to be stuck here for a little while, that's all.
And that is why we should all seize the day. Because you can never get back what you missed. Yes, carpe diem.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My Sunday Drive (with very few momisms)
I went to a family reunion today. It was way the heck out in Lexington, MO. I didn't realize how far it really was, and I surely didn't realize that I would be pleasantly surprised by the drive.
You see, for the past several months I have been yearning to go on a Sunday drive...the kind my mom used to enjoy. They start out with a general direction in mind, and included spontaneous turns down unknown but interesting roads. Usually rural routes, gravel roads and an atlas are a must.
As I was driving to Lexington, stores, houses, strip malls, gas stations and street lights gave way to rolling hills, trees, livestock and old farmhouses. I did not expect the drive to be beautiful at all and was simply delighted by the treasures my eyes constantly landed on. I was always surprised to find what was around the bend. It was a cloudy morning, a little misty in some places, which added to the enchantment of it all. The ride home was sunny in a surreal, perfect way, casting shadows that only come from mid-day sun. Everything seemed to glisten.
The farther I got into the drive, the more I longed to belong to this land, way out in the middle of nowhere. I longed to breathe this crystal clear air and to stand in the middle of the ridge of trees, allowing their vibrations to reset my soul. I longed to dig my hands into the soil and feel it under my nails; to establish a give-and-take relationship with the earth as I gently planted my seeds and pulled up the vegetation that the earth offered - my gift for being kind and gentle. I longed to explore and learn the beautiful, strangely terraced hill I saw in the distance from the highway. I wanted desperately to hike the hills under the canopy of trees, to learn the different plants and know which snakes were poisonous. To know what kind of animal was making that strange sound. To be able to make a fire if need be, and spend the night in a small corner of the great span of land that I knew. To make a path in the forest.
I don't know what people do for a living when they live in ten buck two. I've always wondered. A big part of me needs the country. Another part of me would feel so lonely and isolated as my need for social activity is great. I would be frustrated at how far the grocery store, Wal-Mart and Babies R Us were. It would be mighty convenient if I could just be Amish. All of this would be covered. Not sure if I could do without computer and phone but I would probably surprise myself and find solace in the neighboring women. Little Amara Mae would grow up knowing how to live off the land, which would be some of the most useful knowledge a person could have. I wish I knew how to live off the land.
You see, for the past several months I have been yearning to go on a Sunday drive...the kind my mom used to enjoy. They start out with a general direction in mind, and included spontaneous turns down unknown but interesting roads. Usually rural routes, gravel roads and an atlas are a must.
As I was driving to Lexington, stores, houses, strip malls, gas stations and street lights gave way to rolling hills, trees, livestock and old farmhouses. I did not expect the drive to be beautiful at all and was simply delighted by the treasures my eyes constantly landed on. I was always surprised to find what was around the bend. It was a cloudy morning, a little misty in some places, which added to the enchantment of it all. The ride home was sunny in a surreal, perfect way, casting shadows that only come from mid-day sun. Everything seemed to glisten.
The farther I got into the drive, the more I longed to belong to this land, way out in the middle of nowhere. I longed to breathe this crystal clear air and to stand in the middle of the ridge of trees, allowing their vibrations to reset my soul. I longed to dig my hands into the soil and feel it under my nails; to establish a give-and-take relationship with the earth as I gently planted my seeds and pulled up the vegetation that the earth offered - my gift for being kind and gentle. I longed to explore and learn the beautiful, strangely terraced hill I saw in the distance from the highway. I wanted desperately to hike the hills under the canopy of trees, to learn the different plants and know which snakes were poisonous. To know what kind of animal was making that strange sound. To be able to make a fire if need be, and spend the night in a small corner of the great span of land that I knew. To make a path in the forest.
I don't know what people do for a living when they live in ten buck two. I've always wondered. A big part of me needs the country. Another part of me would feel so lonely and isolated as my need for social activity is great. I would be frustrated at how far the grocery store, Wal-Mart and Babies R Us were. It would be mighty convenient if I could just be Amish. All of this would be covered. Not sure if I could do without computer and phone but I would probably surprise myself and find solace in the neighboring women. Little Amara Mae would grow up knowing how to live off the land, which would be some of the most useful knowledge a person could have. I wish I knew how to live off the land.
Friday, May 29, 2009
This Is Going to Be Fun
Well, tomorrow Amara Mae will be 5 months old. We celebrated by getting a Jumperoo. Actually, we stumbled upon a heap of a deal and got it super cheap. So my decision to buy it was part price but part need for celebration. It was perfect.
So, we are up to 5 months already. Month 4 was a blast and I am enjoying every minute, every second, every teeny tiny moment of it all. And, I find myself daydreaming about the future and I'm enjoying that already too. How is that even possible?
I have pretty much covered all the childhood ages. One, she'll be teetering all around. Two, she will be dashing hither and yon, confusing her doting parents and causing us to fret in the checkout line at Wal-Mart. Three, she will be sprouting a will and an attitude and putting words with these deliberations. Four, she will be trying out independence. Seven, we will be working on homework and social skills, trekking to girl scouts meetings....thirteen, we will be talking about boys (as Papa Bear is scheming a way to scare them off before they even start). Seventeen, she will be lovely and I will teach by example the importance of kindness, femininity, appearance, confidence, compassion, identity, and a host of other deep subjects to accommodate her growth and maturity.
I have thought of her adulthood too, but only as a generalization. We will be friends and go shopping together. I will support her through breakups and lost jobs, telling her that people don't deserve her. Maybe she will have a sister and "us girls" can go on weekend trips or even a cruise. We'll plan her wedding, I'll be there the day she births my grandchild. I will help her in any way I can, I will always be on her side but let her know when she is being foolish (except for sibling spats, to which I have decided I will remain neutral). It'll never be just her against the world, because she will have her mom. I hope I'm on this earth for a very long time, so I can be her mother not only after I raise her but for a lifetime. I didn't get that chance with my mom so I desperately want to give that to my Amara Mae.
Yes, I think about the years to come and I just know. This is going to be fun.
So, we are up to 5 months already. Month 4 was a blast and I am enjoying every minute, every second, every teeny tiny moment of it all. And, I find myself daydreaming about the future and I'm enjoying that already too. How is that even possible?
I have pretty much covered all the childhood ages. One, she'll be teetering all around. Two, she will be dashing hither and yon, confusing her doting parents and causing us to fret in the checkout line at Wal-Mart. Three, she will be sprouting a will and an attitude and putting words with these deliberations. Four, she will be trying out independence. Seven, we will be working on homework and social skills, trekking to girl scouts meetings....thirteen, we will be talking about boys (as Papa Bear is scheming a way to scare them off before they even start). Seventeen, she will be lovely and I will teach by example the importance of kindness, femininity, appearance, confidence, compassion, identity, and a host of other deep subjects to accommodate her growth and maturity.
I have thought of her adulthood too, but only as a generalization. We will be friends and go shopping together. I will support her through breakups and lost jobs, telling her that people don't deserve her. Maybe she will have a sister and "us girls" can go on weekend trips or even a cruise. We'll plan her wedding, I'll be there the day she births my grandchild. I will help her in any way I can, I will always be on her side but let her know when she is being foolish (except for sibling spats, to which I have decided I will remain neutral). It'll never be just her against the world, because she will have her mom. I hope I'm on this earth for a very long time, so I can be her mother not only after I raise her but for a lifetime. I didn't get that chance with my mom so I desperately want to give that to my Amara Mae.
Yes, I think about the years to come and I just know. This is going to be fun.
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