First Post-Baby Trip to Gym

Ok, so I went to the gym tonight for the first time in about 2 years, seriously. It's been before my wedding day. I have excuses for not going....my wedding day seemed to set off a chain of unfortunate events - death after death after death in the family followed by a rocky marriage (the deaths rocked our worlds), followed by pregnancy and now I am trying to balance life with being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM).

Everybody imagines that being a SAHM must be the easiest job in the whole world and "oh, must be nice". Ok, I wouldn't trade it for anything but I have my own set of challenges to deal with in this occupation change. There's the loneliness of sitting at home with a 6 month old day after day. Why don't I get out more often, you ask? Because the simple act of leaving the house requires money - another thing I am dealing with. The gaping hole that is left when you suddenly no longer make tens of thousands of dollars, and the withdrawals from retail therapy that you go through. Not that I am even interested in clothes shopping right now because I am a whale (another occupational hazard - cookies and ice cream are my friends when I am oh so lonely). This living paycheck to paycheck business really stresses me out, we have NO spare change after all the bills are paid. NONE, seriously.

But the biggest challenge is loss of self-care. I forget it most days. I forget to love myself, to do little things for myself. If I could just squeeze it in somewhere between laundry, grocery shopping, making dinner, doing the dishes not to mention diaper changes, feedings, naptimes and playing with the little turkey. I noticed last week that all I do is take care of everyone else and I am getting used up!! I must replenish or there will be nothing left of myself to give. I don't hardly wash my face or put on makeup anymore and I rush through a shower as if the water was 45 degrees Fahrenheit.

I told Andy flat out yesterday. It wasn't even a question, it wasn't a need it was a must. I said "I am going to go work out tomorrow night when you get home". And that was it. I need to do something to care for me, I need to leave the house sometimes without Andy and Amara and just contribute to self. I was going to wait until Amara was asleep as a general rule of working out, but I didn't even do that this evening!

And oh, it was so good. I only worked out 45 minutes. I will have to work up to my 90 minute sessions I used to do back in the day, pre-marriage. My measly 5 minutes on the stair climber all but killed me. I lifted weights and I loved every second of it! And I deserved it, OH I deserved it. I love lifting weights, it is so challenging and not only does it make the body stronger but it makes the mind stronger as well. I realized just how much muscle I don't have compared to what I used to be able to do. I am a different person now - pregnancy changes a body permanently but I never imagined I would be so weak! I am going to start doing this at least a few evenings a week, this is what I am going to do for myself. And I'm not just doing it for myself, I'm doing it for my family too. I will be healthier and happier and more full of love to give. I will be balanced, finally!