Well, tomorrow Amara Mae will be 5 months old. We celebrated by getting a Jumperoo. Actually, we stumbled upon a heap of a deal and got it super cheap. So my decision to buy it was part price but part need for celebration. It was perfect.
So, we are up to 5 months already. Month 4 was a blast and I am enjoying every minute, every second, every teeny tiny moment of it all. And, I find myself daydreaming about the future and I'm enjoying that already too. How is that even possible?
I have pretty much covered all the childhood ages. One, she'll be teetering all around. Two, she will be dashing hither and yon, confusing her doting parents and causing us to fret in the checkout line at Wal-Mart. Three, she will be sprouting a will and an attitude and putting words with these deliberations. Four, she will be trying out independence. Seven, we will be working on homework and social skills, trekking to girl scouts meetings....thirteen, we will be talking about boys (as Papa Bear is scheming a way to scare them off before they even start). Seventeen, she will be lovely and I will teach by example the importance of kindness, femininity, appearance, confidence, compassion, identity, and a host of other deep subjects to accommodate her growth and maturity.
I have thought of her adulthood too, but only as a generalization. We will be friends and go shopping together. I will support her through breakups and lost jobs, telling her that people don't deserve her. Maybe she will have a sister and "us girls" can go on weekend trips or even a cruise. We'll plan her wedding, I'll be there the day she births my grandchild. I will help her in any way I can, I will always be on her side but let her know when she is being foolish (except for sibling spats, to which I have decided I will remain neutral). It'll never be just her against the world, because she will have her mom. I hope I'm on this earth for a very long time, so I can be her mother not only after I raise her but for a lifetime. I didn't get that chance with my mom so I desperately want to give that to my Amara Mae.
Yes, I think about the years to come and I just know. This is going to be fun.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Bedtime Lullabies
So, I was putting Amara to sleep tonight and I decided to do a little serenade. Any song you want can be a lullaby - you just have to slow it down, preferably to match the pace that you are rocking.
The program included Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Hava Nagila, If I Had a Hammer, Frank Sinatra's I Never Knew (but only the chorus). Amara had fallen asleep and I was just singing for the soul, a last few rounds of Twinkle Twinkle. My eyes were closed and I was just enjoying myself and I looked down to see two little peepers sleepily gazing at me. Amara had woken up, albeit not completely, to catch the last few moments. She had the most blissful, in love, effortless smile I have seen in my life. Her mouth was open a little bit, almost like she was trying to sing along and I just got so tickled at the idea of her trying to sing along that I stifled chuckles the entire rest of the song, and even one additional round to redeem myself.
When I laid the sleeping angel in bed I thought to myself that she might have the most peaceful night of sleep that she has had thus far in all of her 4 months.
The program included Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Hava Nagila, If I Had a Hammer, Frank Sinatra's I Never Knew (but only the chorus). Amara had fallen asleep and I was just singing for the soul, a last few rounds of Twinkle Twinkle. My eyes were closed and I was just enjoying myself and I looked down to see two little peepers sleepily gazing at me. Amara had woken up, albeit not completely, to catch the last few moments. She had the most blissful, in love, effortless smile I have seen in my life. Her mouth was open a little bit, almost like she was trying to sing along and I just got so tickled at the idea of her trying to sing along that I stifled chuckles the entire rest of the song, and even one additional round to redeem myself.
When I laid the sleeping angel in bed I thought to myself that she might have the most peaceful night of sleep that she has had thus far in all of her 4 months.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
To Swing or Not to Swing? Baby Swing!! Not The Other Kind.
One of our friends gave us a baby swing. She said "Oh, this thing was a God-send. We would just put the baby in it and he would fall right to sleep. He always took his naps in it". Their son had outgrown it to the extent of practicing escape artist in it.
I gladly accepted the swing, as Amara often fights sleep and I never quite know where to lie her for her naps once she has fallen asleep. The floor is too hard and she wakes up. The playpen is too low and graceful as I am (ahem...sure), I can not for the life of me set her all the way in the bottom without jerking or messing up in some way on the way down. The couch is unacceptable as I am afraid that her first time rolling will be right off the couch and she will have PTSD and never roll over again. And, ridiculous mother hen that I am...I carry her up and down the stairs as little as possible. I figure the less often I carry her up and down, the less the risk of me falling down them with her in tow. I know, I know....ridiculous right? But I am terrified of falling down the stairs with her, which is already happened once. Ok, I fell down stair. Singular. But it still scared me enough to never want to do it again. And I hurt myself. It still hurts, and that was 3 months ago.
So you see how complicated this naptime has become. I often just end up holding the little rugrat the entire duration of the nap, which screams "spoiled" and "beginnings of bad habits". So I thought this swing would solve my conundrum. I would put Amara in it when she started flailing arms and fussing, and she would pass out and have a happy nap and wake up and do it all over again.
Wrong. I put the little bugger in there and suddenly things look different from that heigth or angle or general position. And very, very interesting. So she sits in the swing, content but awake. And I sit there and wait for her to fall asleep, the whole time staring at her, my arms empty, and feeling like this swing is taking my place, doing my job. And she sits there, looking around, stuck in a swing, captivated. Not doing her "dead bug" on the floor (this is where her arms and legs are straight up in the air like a dead bug-she's learning her muscles) or sitting like a big girl in her Bumbo or grasping at toys or getting tummy time. Nothing, nothing but staring at things happening. Or at mommy, staring back.
I'm not sure what theories there are out on swings, although I can just imagine by way of my own emerging feelings towards them. I haven't done research on it, I haven't talked to other mommies about it. I think I will try it a few more times, but I might just end up calling it a baby forgetter. Stick your baby in this and forget about her for a while.
Don't know if I can do it.
I gladly accepted the swing, as Amara often fights sleep and I never quite know where to lie her for her naps once she has fallen asleep. The floor is too hard and she wakes up. The playpen is too low and graceful as I am (ahem...sure), I can not for the life of me set her all the way in the bottom without jerking or messing up in some way on the way down. The couch is unacceptable as I am afraid that her first time rolling will be right off the couch and she will have PTSD and never roll over again. And, ridiculous mother hen that I am...I carry her up and down the stairs as little as possible. I figure the less often I carry her up and down, the less the risk of me falling down them with her in tow. I know, I know....ridiculous right? But I am terrified of falling down the stairs with her, which is already happened once. Ok, I fell down stair. Singular. But it still scared me enough to never want to do it again. And I hurt myself. It still hurts, and that was 3 months ago.
So you see how complicated this naptime has become. I often just end up holding the little rugrat the entire duration of the nap, which screams "spoiled" and "beginnings of bad habits". So I thought this swing would solve my conundrum. I would put Amara in it when she started flailing arms and fussing, and she would pass out and have a happy nap and wake up and do it all over again.
Wrong. I put the little bugger in there and suddenly things look different from that heigth or angle or general position. And very, very interesting. So she sits in the swing, content but awake. And I sit there and wait for her to fall asleep, the whole time staring at her, my arms empty, and feeling like this swing is taking my place, doing my job. And she sits there, looking around, stuck in a swing, captivated. Not doing her "dead bug" on the floor (this is where her arms and legs are straight up in the air like a dead bug-she's learning her muscles) or sitting like a big girl in her Bumbo or grasping at toys or getting tummy time. Nothing, nothing but staring at things happening. Or at mommy, staring back.
I'm not sure what theories there are out on swings, although I can just imagine by way of my own emerging feelings towards them. I haven't done research on it, I haven't talked to other mommies about it. I think I will try it a few more times, but I might just end up calling it a baby forgetter. Stick your baby in this and forget about her for a while.
Don't know if I can do it.
The Sickies
I have unfortunately been experiencing a couple different realms of sickness that I have never quite visited before: having a sick baby, being sick while taking care of a baby, and being sick while taking care of a baby and a sick spouse. I hope to experience these very few times in my life, and especially in the small span of time at which our recent bout has been happening.
Amara got her first cold last week, the doctor said it would take 7 - 10 days to clear up. It lingered for its full 10 days, which was today - Sunday. But Papa Bear started feeling bad on Thursday night, and I was soon to follow on Saturday. Now, we have a well baby who is laughing and giggling (finally) and we're moping around, moaning and groaning, trying to meet feeding and playtime demands with sinus pressure and sore throat. I think every once in a while, nature just wants to remind us not to take our everyday health for granted.
Having a young infant who is sick is frustrating. They can't tell you where it hurts and there is not medicine they can take, other than baby Tylenol. Which doesn't help the coughing, sneezing, phlegm, congestion... I gave it to her anyway, for sore throat and aches. If she was a little older, I would have tried some natural remedies - some basil tea or lemon and honey or something. It is hard to sit there and watch your wee one in agony and not be able to do much save cuddle and love - which I did plenty of!! Oh, and sing You Are My Sunshine (which sounds more like "you are by sunshine" with a stuffy nose, as I force it out for my grin reward).
What have I learned through this all? Well, for starters, it is important to always disinfect doorknobs and railings and counters and such. But, my never-ending discovery is that moms are amazing. They do it all! They manage to make chicken soup while the baby is napping and not skip a beat. They find ways to tend to everyone's needs, even their own.
Mommies are amazing. And I am proud to be one.
Amara got her first cold last week, the doctor said it would take 7 - 10 days to clear up. It lingered for its full 10 days, which was today - Sunday. But Papa Bear started feeling bad on Thursday night, and I was soon to follow on Saturday. Now, we have a well baby who is laughing and giggling (finally) and we're moping around, moaning and groaning, trying to meet feeding and playtime demands with sinus pressure and sore throat. I think every once in a while, nature just wants to remind us not to take our everyday health for granted.
Having a young infant who is sick is frustrating. They can't tell you where it hurts and there is not medicine they can take, other than baby Tylenol. Which doesn't help the coughing, sneezing, phlegm, congestion... I gave it to her anyway, for sore throat and aches. If she was a little older, I would have tried some natural remedies - some basil tea or lemon and honey or something. It is hard to sit there and watch your wee one in agony and not be able to do much save cuddle and love - which I did plenty of!! Oh, and sing You Are My Sunshine (which sounds more like "you are by sunshine" with a stuffy nose, as I force it out for my grin reward).
What have I learned through this all? Well, for starters, it is important to always disinfect doorknobs and railings and counters and such. But, my never-ending discovery is that moms are amazing. They do it all! They manage to make chicken soup while the baby is napping and not skip a beat. They find ways to tend to everyone's needs, even their own.
Mommies are amazing. And I am proud to be one.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Baby Bodies & Other Momisms
At the risk of sounding like a total pervert, I would just like to say that I love baby bodies.
It is fantastically refreshing to see someone so in awe of their body like a baby is. I don't have a great relationship with my body. I hate it. I know I shouldn't and now I'm rethinking this mind-body attitude but I have always been at war with my body and I should undoubtedly respect it a lot more than I do. But Amara knows no such war...she only knows 'whoa, hands!' and 'hello voice lets see how loud we can squeal', and that faces are meant for smiling.
I take such delight in the tiny knees and shoulders, in the itsy bitsy toes and tender fingers. When I change her clothes or diaper, I obsess over her cute-as-buttons belly (and of course razz it until she can't take it anymore). I have always believed that the only time a person gets to be perfect is when they are a baby. Before life tears at you and leaves scars and blemishes, before you have the chance to develop attitudes and opinions and biases, before you learn hate or envy or despise or hurt. This is the only time in life when people are actually perfect.
I never thought having a child would inspire so many thoughts that I have never had before. Like how my life is much more valuable now than prebaby - I MUST live to be here for my child. There's the total fascination that a woman's body can assist God in giving life. And a better understanding of my parents. Or why people with children have laugh lines (and grey hairs). But today, I am most amazed at the baby body and how wonderful and magnificent it is. And I will continue to razz and kiss, even the slobbery parts. Yes, yes I know EW. But somehow slobber doesn't bother you as much when it's your kid...or boogers. I often surprise myself by plucking out a booger here and there like it's no big deal.
By the way, WOW is mom upside-down. Wow!!
It is fantastically refreshing to see someone so in awe of their body like a baby is. I don't have a great relationship with my body. I hate it. I know I shouldn't and now I'm rethinking this mind-body attitude but I have always been at war with my body and I should undoubtedly respect it a lot more than I do. But Amara knows no such war...she only knows 'whoa, hands!' and 'hello voice lets see how loud we can squeal', and that faces are meant for smiling.
I take such delight in the tiny knees and shoulders, in the itsy bitsy toes and tender fingers. When I change her clothes or diaper, I obsess over her cute-as-buttons belly (and of course razz it until she can't take it anymore). I have always believed that the only time a person gets to be perfect is when they are a baby. Before life tears at you and leaves scars and blemishes, before you have the chance to develop attitudes and opinions and biases, before you learn hate or envy or despise or hurt. This is the only time in life when people are actually perfect.
I never thought having a child would inspire so many thoughts that I have never had before. Like how my life is much more valuable now than prebaby - I MUST live to be here for my child. There's the total fascination that a woman's body can assist God in giving life. And a better understanding of my parents. Or why people with children have laugh lines (and grey hairs). But today, I am most amazed at the baby body and how wonderful and magnificent it is. And I will continue to razz and kiss, even the slobbery parts. Yes, yes I know EW. But somehow slobber doesn't bother you as much when it's your kid...or boogers. I often surprise myself by plucking out a booger here and there like it's no big deal.
By the way, WOW is mom upside-down. Wow!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Getting Stupid
So I quit my job to be a stay-at-home-mom and now I'm afraid that I am going to "get" stupid.
I'm sure this is a reasonable fear, it is part of the reason I started this blog in the first place...I have to be careful not to let my mind go to waste. I don't mean to offend any SAH moms by saying that our jobs don't require as much thought or aren't as challenging because they are, but in a totally different way.
I have worked very hard these past several years in my career to move up, to purposefully take on jobs I knew would be tough just so that I could grow. And I was proud of that. I had a good job, and one that I even liked! I was knowledgeable and hardworking, seeking out new information and challenges. I worked at expanding my mind.
I don't honestly think it would ever be possible for me to be dumb but I swear if I start misspelling words, that's it. I guess my plan of action will be to keep blogging, keep on being social and having good conversation with like-minded individuals, and read as much as I can. This should not be a difficult plan to follow as I love these things. Hopefully my little observer will pick up on them and learn to enjoy them as much as her mommy does!
Baby is fussing, must go now.
I'm sure this is a reasonable fear, it is part of the reason I started this blog in the first place...I have to be careful not to let my mind go to waste. I don't mean to offend any SAH moms by saying that our jobs don't require as much thought or aren't as challenging because they are, but in a totally different way.
I have worked very hard these past several years in my career to move up, to purposefully take on jobs I knew would be tough just so that I could grow. And I was proud of that. I had a good job, and one that I even liked! I was knowledgeable and hardworking, seeking out new information and challenges. I worked at expanding my mind.
I don't honestly think it would ever be possible for me to be dumb but I swear if I start misspelling words, that's it. I guess my plan of action will be to keep blogging, keep on being social and having good conversation with like-minded individuals, and read as much as I can. This should not be a difficult plan to follow as I love these things. Hopefully my little observer will pick up on them and learn to enjoy them as much as her mommy does!
Baby is fussing, must go now.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Smitten, Absolutely Smitten
Ok, I like to think that everyone knows just how much I love my wee one but all at the same time, I know it's impossible for anyone to know what it's like to be me. So, I will try my hardest to explain it because I believe it is meaningful. If not to anyone else, it is to me.
Caution: May be sappy.
I could not possibly be more pleased with my child. I thank God for her each and every day, sometimes all day. No joke. Some days, I am just so overwhelmed with blessing that I literally sit there and thank God all day. I wonder what I did right to be able to deserve such a perfect gift and I have not figured it out yet. I think that surely I must have favor with the Lord for Him to have seen fit to bestow upon me such a child.
All the while, I am careful not to consider her 100% mine for we are all children of God and she is His creation, not mine. God chose me (lucky me) to watch over her, to bring her up and raise her, to be her earthly parent. I would have been grateful no matter who He gave me but I feel like I had a special place in God's heart when he decided to bless me with Amara.
And anytime I say me or I, I mean Andy and I.
Children are a blessing from God. Period. The Bible says. They are tiny, perfect versions of yourself that you get to mold and pour yourself into and then one day, let go into the world. And you hope that all that work you did pays off for this person because you love them unconditionally and want them to succeed. You get to watch them grow, you get to see them understand what you are teaching and use it in their life. Already, I see this.
I have always looked up to and respected my parents (duh, right? Well, some people don't feel this way about their parents and I feel very fortunate to be one who does). And now that I am a parent, I have new-found respect for them because I think they did a wonderful job and I hope I can be everything that they were. I have no complaints about my childhood.
Amara brings us so much joy. She is always happy, always content. Always giggling and laughing, rarely fussing. She has changed our home, there is a positive energy that resides here within that child. She is easy and it is impossible to be in a bad mood around her. I have read books, I have, in my pre-baby days, strained my ears to hear new moms talking about how hard it is in the beginning. Colicky babies, lack of sleep, leaving a screaming baby in the crib for 5 minutes while you step out on the porch to regain what sanity you can. Babies that won't sleep, babies that won't eat.
I have had it so easy with Amara. I think she is the exception, I really do. I think she must be. I know other moms love their children just as much as I do, but I don't know that many women get to enjoy brand new mommyhood like I have. We are 3 months into it now and I must admit that those first couple of weeks of juggling the new with the old feels surreal and quite zombie-ish. I just keep thinking that I will wake up one of these days to a fussy, much more demanding Amara (someone told me that yes, this will happen, when she hits about 13). But really, I think that content and happy is part of her personality. I think this might just be who she really is.
I would love her just the same if she was colicky. If she was fussy. If she was demanding or was born without an arm or with a disease or slow. I would love her just the same. But for now, I am oh so lucky, OH so blessed, oh SO smitten.
Caution: May be sappy.
I could not possibly be more pleased with my child. I thank God for her each and every day, sometimes all day. No joke. Some days, I am just so overwhelmed with blessing that I literally sit there and thank God all day. I wonder what I did right to be able to deserve such a perfect gift and I have not figured it out yet. I think that surely I must have favor with the Lord for Him to have seen fit to bestow upon me such a child.
All the while, I am careful not to consider her 100% mine for we are all children of God and she is His creation, not mine. God chose me (lucky me) to watch over her, to bring her up and raise her, to be her earthly parent. I would have been grateful no matter who He gave me but I feel like I had a special place in God's heart when he decided to bless me with Amara.
And anytime I say me or I, I mean Andy and I.
Children are a blessing from God. Period. The Bible says. They are tiny, perfect versions of yourself that you get to mold and pour yourself into and then one day, let go into the world. And you hope that all that work you did pays off for this person because you love them unconditionally and want them to succeed. You get to watch them grow, you get to see them understand what you are teaching and use it in their life. Already, I see this.
I have always looked up to and respected my parents (duh, right? Well, some people don't feel this way about their parents and I feel very fortunate to be one who does). And now that I am a parent, I have new-found respect for them because I think they did a wonderful job and I hope I can be everything that they were. I have no complaints about my childhood.
Amara brings us so much joy. She is always happy, always content. Always giggling and laughing, rarely fussing. She has changed our home, there is a positive energy that resides here within that child. She is easy and it is impossible to be in a bad mood around her. I have read books, I have, in my pre-baby days, strained my ears to hear new moms talking about how hard it is in the beginning. Colicky babies, lack of sleep, leaving a screaming baby in the crib for 5 minutes while you step out on the porch to regain what sanity you can. Babies that won't sleep, babies that won't eat.
I have had it so easy with Amara. I think she is the exception, I really do. I think she must be. I know other moms love their children just as much as I do, but I don't know that many women get to enjoy brand new mommyhood like I have. We are 3 months into it now and I must admit that those first couple of weeks of juggling the new with the old feels surreal and quite zombie-ish. I just keep thinking that I will wake up one of these days to a fussy, much more demanding Amara (someone told me that yes, this will happen, when she hits about 13). But really, I think that content and happy is part of her personality. I think this might just be who she really is.
I would love her just the same if she was colicky. If she was fussy. If she was demanding or was born without an arm or with a disease or slow. I would love her just the same. But for now, I am oh so lucky, OH so blessed, oh SO smitten.
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