Smitten, Absolutely Smitten

Ok, I like to think that everyone knows just how much I love my wee one but all at the same time, I know it's impossible for anyone to know what it's like to be me. So, I will try my hardest to explain it because I believe it is meaningful. If not to anyone else, it is to me.

Caution: May be sappy.

I could not possibly be more pleased with my child. I thank God for her each and every day, sometimes all day. No joke. Some days, I am just so overwhelmed with blessing that I literally sit there and thank God all day. I wonder what I did right to be able to deserve such a perfect gift and I have not figured it out yet. I think that surely I must have favor with the Lord for Him to have seen fit to bestow upon me such a child.

All the while, I am careful not to consider her 100% mine for we are all children of God and she is His creation, not mine. God chose me (lucky me) to watch over her, to bring her up and raise her, to be her earthly parent. I would have been grateful no matter who He gave me but I feel like I had a special place in God's heart when he decided to bless me with Amara.

And anytime I say me or I, I mean Andy and I.

Children are a blessing from God. Period. The Bible says. They are tiny, perfect versions of yourself that you get to mold and pour yourself into and then one day, let go into the world. And you hope that all that work you did pays off for this person because you love them unconditionally and want them to succeed. You get to watch them grow, you get to see them understand what you are teaching and use it in their life. Already, I see this.

I have always looked up to and respected my parents (duh, right? Well, some people don't feel this way about their parents and I feel very fortunate to be one who does). And now that I am a parent, I have new-found respect for them because I think they did a wonderful job and I hope I can be everything that they were. I have no complaints about my childhood.

Amara brings us so much joy. She is always happy, always content. Always giggling and laughing, rarely fussing. She has changed our home, there is a positive energy that resides here within that child. She is easy and it is impossible to be in a bad mood around her. I have read books, I have, in my pre-baby days, strained my ears to hear new moms talking about how hard it is in the beginning. Colicky babies, lack of sleep, leaving a screaming baby in the crib for 5 minutes while you step out on the porch to regain what sanity you can. Babies that won't sleep, babies that won't eat.

I have had it so easy with Amara. I think she is the exception, I really do. I think she must be. I know other moms love their children just as much as I do, but I don't know that many women get to enjoy brand new mommyhood like I have. We are 3 months into it now and I must admit that those first couple of weeks of juggling the new with the old feels surreal and quite zombie-ish. I just keep thinking that I will wake up one of these days to a fussy, much more demanding Amara (someone told me that yes, this will happen, when she hits about 13). But really, I think that content and happy is part of her personality. I think this might just be who she really is.

I would love her just the same if she was colicky. If she was fussy. If she was demanding or was born without an arm or with a disease or slow. I would love her just the same. But for now, I am oh so lucky, OH so blessed, oh SO smitten.